Love And The Source Of Anger

There are those who discover they can leave behind destructive reactions and become patient as the earth, unmoved by fires of anger or fear, unshaken as a pillar, unperturbed as a clear and quiet pool.
— Gautama Buddha

All anger is rooted in fear. There are only five root sources of this fear:
•  The fear that I let you down or I am letting you down, which fosters feelings of guilt that must be denied.
•  The fear that you let me down or you are letting me down, creating feelings of abandonment or disappointment, which lead to feelings of unworthiness and woundedness.
•  The fear of humiliation through inappropriate actions, which prompts one person to deny the action or shift the focus and blame to another person.
• The fear that results from utter frustration, which creates a feeling of helplessness and a lack of control. Anger replaces a call for help.
• The final source of anger is rooted in ignorance that leads to fear. Whatever one does not understand makes one’s ego feel insecure and frightened; therefore, one must fear.

We witness the display of anger in four forms:
• The yeller and screamer (like Lauren and Ray) who gets in your face and totally loses their composure.
• The person who makes snide remarks in a passive-aggressive manner and makes their feelings known but avoids addressing the situation directly, leaving that up to you.
•  The needler who disapprovingly picks, picks, picks relentlessly. This person never addresses you personally, which causes feelings of resentment because it leaves you clueless about the base problem.
•  The run-away who can’t face you at all. This person avoids you or shuns you; the run-away will never address you and will leave you unaware about why, or even if, they are upset.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
— Proverbs 15:1 (ESV)

Many people will employ more than one of these techniques, depending on the situation, the level of animosity, and the particular individual with whom they are upset or feel hurt by. Yes, anger can hurt the recipient. More importantly, there is an even greater amount of harm and self-inflicted pain for the person who carries or emits anger toward others. It is toxic to their soul.

Whether the feeling of anger is rising up in you or is being directed at you, you can now control it. Realizing the source of anger gives you the ability to have strength through understanding, compassion, and patience in the face of anger. Recognize that there are only two true emotions: love and fear. Yes, fear, not hate—hate, like anger, is a byproduct of fear.

You can now identify the various expressions of anger. This gives you the ability to recognize it in all of its true forms. You are now provided with the tools to avoid the trappings and pitfalls of anger. You no longer need to lower yourself to its level. Instead, you can rise above it because you possess the power to respond with purpose and truth.

People may ask, “Why should I have to be the bigger person? Why should I have to rise above it?” The answer is simple: because you are not doing this for the other person; you are doing this wholly for yourself. You are doing it to improve your life, increase your enjoyment, and ensure that happiness and harmony are yours. If it has a similar effect on the other individual, wonderful—call it a bonus. This is an act that genuinely comprises the five tenants—love, kindness, patience, truth, and compassion. Make no mistake about it—the shedding of anger in your life is one of the most wondrous gifts you can give yourself.

A Shortened Excerpt from:
The Journey of Truth:
Chronicles of a Peaceful Warrior
by Tony R. Zonca


No Worries, No Fears

So many people spend a majority of their existence being consumed by worry. They spend their days continually under the pressure of fret caused by the ego, which makes nervousness, anxiety, and stress a way of life. Like anger and hatred, the root source of worry is fear. So what are we and, more importantly, the ego afraid of? The simple answer is death. But that is not the only question one should ask. Also, what forms of death does the ego fear the most? The most obvious is the loss of life, or one’s physical death. Second, there is the death, or end, of a relationship that may leave one all alone. Third, there is financial death, or ruin, leading to economic devastation that could plummet one into poverty.

Frequently, we worry about making the right decision. What is the correct option? Should I stay in a dissatisfying relationship that makes me unhappy? But I don’t want to be alone. Should I leave and give myself the opportunity to find happiness? But then, will I be lonely? Should I leave the job that is presently unfulfilling but gives me security? Should I take the new job? I will be happier, and it has better benefits. But what if that job doesn’t work out, and I get fired? For many, it is easier to remain in a state of unhappiness rather than reach outside of their comfort zone to face the unknown. For them, the problem lies in the fact that the state of unhappiness becomes the safe and familiar way of existence. Yes, they want to be happy. But their fear of the unknown is greater than their desire for happiness. Some can even get so tangled up in worry and fear that even the simplest decision can become overwhelming and troublesome. The needed self-confidence and courage is lacking because of a diminished or loss of unconditional love for one’s self.

Our old nemesis, the ego, is the one who carries and projects these fears upon us. Since the ego’s only desire is power and control, the idea that seeking the unknown could uplift one terrifies the ego. Seeking the unknown requires some level of a leap of faith. We know the ego is incapable of emotions, such as love and faith, as we are. That is why death, in all of its forms, scares the ego so greatly. When our body dies, we return to our true home, and the body ceases to exist. When there is a death or the end of a relationship, the ego doesn’t possess the unconditional love of self that we receive from our guides and God. While the ego is scared to be alone, we are never truly alone. The ego cannot imagine financial death or failure because it lacks the faith that is bestowed upon us from the Divine. It can’t recognize the universal truth: with faith and a connection to the Divine, we will never truly fall.

Excerpt form:
The Journey of Truth:
Chronicles of a Peaceful Warrior
by Tony R. Zonca